An Unfortunate Post

I feel compelled to post about this, so here goes:

Barry Bonds is without any doubt whatsoever a steroid user, a liar, a cheater and a general bastard to any and everyone who has crossed his path. Not only is his 756th home run a dark stain on a wonderful game, it's a stunning display of selfishness and ego that shames all of us who follow America's great pastime. No future indictments, fines, punishments or even record-book asterisks can ever make up for my embarrassment for baseball at this moment, or the deep feelings of remorse and regret I feel for those who have already given up on the game's integrity. Today, it feels genuinely awful to be a fan.

File Under "Ruminations"

In addition to a shocking look-alike discovery involving a scientist, a billionaire, and Bud Selig, I realized during tonight's Giants-Nationals game on ESPN2 that I have been giving a certain man's cranium short shrift on this blog: shortstop Omar Vizquel, your time has come:




I would like to take just a moment on this fine, hot August evening to celebrate the head of a man who may not be one of my personal baseball heroes, but whose mighty, mighty skull must rank among the very greatest heads the game of baseball has ever known. It's list of on-field accomplishments needs no embellishment: Omar Vizquel's head has won 11 Gold Gloves, looked down the barrel of the bat at more than 2,500 career hits, and pulled the rest of his body forward for more than 350 stolen bases. But even off the field, Vizquel's head has done wonders for the game, expanding the Major League hat size options for players from "Small" through "Large" to include "Extra-Extra Large," for the cranially embellished, and by sporting his own cap at a height of more than five inches above his eyebrows, Vizquel's head has made him easy to spot in crowds for more than 18 years in the pros. Yes, Omar Vizquel's mighty headspace is a true trailblazer for brain-pans everywhere; not only a gifted skull, but quite possibly a living legend. Take a moment to look back at the great heads Major League Baseball has seen in the past: Babe Ruth's basketball-shaped skull, the sharply-angled mouse-face of Billy Martin, Ted Williams' squared G.I. Joe jaw, and most recently, Barry Bonds' massive, potato-like cranium - each of them signifying not only individual athletic greatness for their owners, but, in a very special way, symbolizing the very elements of exceptionality that made the bodies beneath their necks so noteworthy. To see "The Head of Omar Vizquel" in such company is long overdue.

Omar's head, let me be the first to congratulate you: caps off.

OMAR VIZQUEL'S HEAD
1989 - present

A tribute to the greatest hydro-cephalic shortstop of our generation.

The Simpsons Movie

A review in five minutes or less:

The Simpsons Movie, oh great apprehensive wonder that it is, gets several things very, very right: it's true to its characters, edgy in its content (at least, relatively so for a show so established in its mores), and careful with its plot: the "Homer does stupid thing and then has to fix it" premise may seem threadbare, but the writing is clever and allows reasonable complicating actions to stretch the concept out without pushing it too far into dangerous territory. That is, of course, the most common pitfall for screen adaptations of TV shows, sitcom sketches (any SNL movie?) and, ever increasingly, Dr. Seuss stories (the "Horton Hears a Who" movie gets a preview plug before this one). However, Matt Groening and company keep The Simpsons Movie at a brisk tempo, and by the time Homer saves the day, you find yourself wondering if the movie could possibly be over already - which is a refreshingly pleasant feeling for a movie these days. The Simpsons Movie is also surprisingly funny, moreso than most television episodes of the show, and clever enough to appease "old school" fans who might feel the series has dropped off in the last, oh, I don't know, ten years.

Nonetheless, I didn't leave the theater exactly satisfied. I laughed, sure, and I enjoyed connecting with the characters in an environment that allowed them to be themselves more, free of the constricting time and rating issues that go along with a spot on primetime television, but I couldn't help feeling like the movie was more of a "Bart Goes to Australia" episode, where the joy is in the absurd and clever nature of the gimmick, than a "And Maggie Makes Three," where the show's real magic comes through in the way it makes us feel (and feel deeply) for its characters. The truth of the matter is, The Simpsons is and has always been at its best when its stories are small, when they connect with real, American life. In these moments, the show's cleverness isn't a hipster merit badge, it's a way to strike a comedic balance with moments of genuine empathy. In episodes that take interpersonal character development for granted, the cleverness still shines through, but in a way that feels detached and, ultimately, disposable, and it shouldn't surprise us that so many of the series' weaker episodes can be traced back to such an approach. With The Simpsons Movie, we get a little of both worlds: some scenes do go for the emotional jugular, but even in teary moments between principal characters, you still just can't shake the feeling that it's all play-acting - and the sly winks the movie slips in every two or three scenes to pop culture, the current political climate, environmental issues, movies and (as always) the Simpson's' network, Fox, make it hard to believe the movie wants you to feel any different.

So, to close this thing out: The Simpsons Movie delivers characters we know and love doing genuinely funny things in an extreme situation, but in writing a script that required such hyperbolic "stakes" in its adventure narrative, The Simpsons Movie ultimately suffers from its detachment from the "every day family" relatability that has always anchored the series. Should you see it? If you're a fan of the show, definitely - it's not only geek-out and in-joke heaven, it's genuinely fun - and if you're new to the series (seriously?), it's still a nice ride. Is it as good as it could be? No, but it IS as good as it SHOULD be, and that's something to feel pretty nice about.

You want a grade? I say 3 out of 4 donuts.

What are your thoughts?

300; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Male Dudity

So, a brief review of "300," the movie that is, well, everywhere right now:

I want to start by saying I did my absolute best not to get excited about this movie. Previews have been showing everywhere for at least six months, my wife has been begging to see the movie for at least that long, and despite all the positive word-of-mouth and exuberant test screenings, I have been doing my absolute best NOT to give into the hysteria. Why? Well, because I've been burned by movies like "300" before. If we take the preview at face value, here's the information we know: 1) it's based on a comic book. This is a hit-and-miss proposition. 2) it is hyper, hyper stylized. Again, although I love to see the cinematic art form advance, I'm sick of movies that think crazy editing and pretty pictures equals significant growth for motion pictures. For evidence of this, see movies like "Domino." And 3) it's written by Frank Miller. Alright Joe, hold on - let me clarify: I love Frank Miller's comics, they're brilliant. We're not disputing that. But there's something that happens when you take the badass-ness of a Miller comic, with all its dark pictures and brooding dialogue, and attempt to turn it into a movie. It's very possible I am the only 25 year old man on the planet who didn't really like "Sin City." To me, the movie pushed the noir style about two steps too far, and suffered for it. I didn't like the sexual exploitation of women in the film, and I felt that the "noir" dialogue, with all its curt one-liners, ended up hammy and stupid in the finished product. Also, Michael Madsen is one of the worst actors ever. And the movie was slow. And everything except for the Marv storyline had big, big flaws all over it. But that's not the issue. Let's get back to "300":

So, what's going on with this movie? Well, I have to say: I thought it rocked. Director Zack Snyder brings a visual flair to the film that extends beyond mere panache and works to actively engage the medium of film itself. To pare that down a bit: this movie looks like a series of moving paintings, one after the other, and it does this very, very, very deliberately. In addition to the plain kick-ass-ness of the fight scenes (I've never cheered for men in loincloths before...), the movie frames itself brilliantly, letting the hyper-stylized movement of it all - the hard rock soundtrack, the slow motion scenes, the giants, the mutants, the innumerable waves and waves of Persian soldiers - take place as a campfire story, told by the only surviving Spartan from the Battle of Thermopylae to a new army of Spartans on the eve of a new battle. This simple narrative device allows so much of what follows to embrace the fantastic in a way that feels, somehow, entirely authentic, and gives license to our own lionizing of these soldiers. In a word, "300" is impressive. In terms of the artistic nature of the direction, the "moving-portrait" approach to the cinematography not only thrills the viewer as a work of art, it uses the nature of cinema to enhance the power of a story. This is, of course, no small task - many a movie is made that gains nothing by actually BEING a movie - "300" could not work the same way in any other medium.

Of course, the film isn't without its flaws. I felt the emphasis on a sexual economy for the women in the film was condescending, and although the film's opening in Sparta works to build up the strength of its one female lead, episodes later in the film, including an encounter with an oracle and an incredibly inarticulate subplot involving a weasel of a senator, undercut all the progress the film's opening makes. I also felt that the militaristic dedication of Sparta, however historically accurate, was translated here for specifically political purposes - the Spartans' violent resistance to the decidedly black Persian empire shifts at some point in the film from an attempt to "defend our wives and children" to a need to kick the asses of all "others" in order to communicate the message of "freedom." Certainly, incorporating lines like "Freedom isn't Free," which is also a popular conservative bumper sticker slogan, into the dialogue of a film in which the decidedly white Greeks go to war against the evil armies of the Middle East can't be entirely chalked up to chance. In any case, the lack of any sustained emphasis on either of these points keeps them from deeply troubling the film, but I think it would be remiss to not point them out at least in passing.

Alright, so to wrap this up: "300" is an exciting, incredibly beautiful and visceral war movie that energizes film as a medium and whose hyper-stylized battle sequences will, without any doubt, be picked up and copied by every crappy action movie for the next five years, ad nauseum. We will refer to this occurance as the "Matrix effect," and we will do our collective best to weather the storm.

"300" - 3 1/2 out of 4 stars

This and That

Note: I am awesome at updating my blog regularly. I will not accept comments to the contrary.

That being said, here is the first (in a series) of scattered notes, reviews and updates, some of which have been promised for a month, others I have just come up with.


1) EXPLOSIONS IN THE SKY - LIVE IN ASHEVILLE

So, last night my friend Graham and I went to Asheville to see Texas's own Explosions in the Sky. For those of you who are not familiar with either this band or their music, they are best known for their score-work on both "Friday Night Lights" the TV show and "Friday Night Lights" the movie. They are an instrumental post-rock band from West Texas, and they have been playing together for, I don't know, seven or eight years. They seem like very nice fellows. In any case: last night, we headed to the Grey Eagle, on the west side of town, which, as it turned out, was a very nice venue. The room was big and open, there were a lot of signed and framed posters on the wall, everything was clean, the floor was made of plywood, and there was a grill/bar in the corner - basically, it had everything I ever want in a concert venue: space, food and room. Even a nice courtyard with a giant abandoned mansion a la "Psycho" looking over it from a nearby hilltop. In a word: pleasant. Explosions had two openers: a one-man-band by the name of Eluvium, and a four-piece rock/rap/metal outfit in the vein of Limp Bizkit called The Paper Chase. Eluvium was a very, very nice surprise with a sound that cried out to me: reading music! reading music! The guy played mainly on piano/organ with a few tracks performed on guitar, all worked through a mixer/modulator that controlled loops/feedback. Things came together nicely, and I'm sure I'll hear more from this guy soon - I dug it.

Conversely, The Paper Chase were pretty awful. Their sound was reaching for Rage Against the Machine and falling both far short (the Bizkit effect) and rather late (mid nineties? really?). I won't go into it in detail, but the set was short and a pretty noticeable "bomb" - the room cleared out quickly and there was little applause.

And then Explosions in the Sky. I should say that I have been waiting on an Explosions in the Sky show to come anywhere remotely near South Carolina for about five years. I started listening to the band in 2002 when their first major record - "Those Who Tell the Truth..." - found a sort of tragic notoriety when its release date - September 10, 2001 - and its title track - "This Plane Will Crash Tomorrow" - inspired a handful of odd-coincidence articles in regional magazines in newspapers. In any case, I was amazed at what I heard - I have long been a fan of the big guns of post-rock - Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Mogwai, etc. - but Explosions in the Sky made the genre real to me in a startlingly intimate way. There was something so amazingly honest about their reliance on a traditional four-piece rock band set up - two guitars, bass, drums - that made the goals and interests of post-rock so much more real for me. I felt that I understood what these guys were about, and it wasn't the apocalyptic wastelands of GY!BE or the walls of noise of Mogwai, but something textured and resonant and beautiful. EITS's next record did not disappoint me on this front, and since "The Earth Is Not a Cold, Dead Place" was released in 2003, I have been an avid follower of the group's various side-projects and recording endeavors. To say I was looking forward to seeing a rock show last night was an understatement.

So, on to the all-too-brief review. Explosions in the Sky were absolutely amazing. I say this with all the judicial reservation I can possibly muster - this is not an "I love the band, so I'll love their show" statement, it is not cheerleading - these guys were incredible to hear and to watch. The entire set - which ran about an hour and ten minutes - was fused into a single song with movements of various tracks, spanning their catalog's four albums and EP. Bridges were written to connect the different movements, and the energy - this band gives their entire, entire soul to this music. They didn't sway or jump or move or whatever because it felt like the right thing to do (listen up, Paper Chase), they did it because the sounds of what they were doing moved them to do it. They love their music, deeply, and it engages them, even on an international tour, each time they sit down and play it. That alone is an amazing thing to see at a rock show. To point out highlights is difficult, given the nature of the show as a whole, but the band caught the audience with the third "song" of the set, "Your Hand in Mine" off of "The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place." " Your Hand in Mine" has always been one of my favorite Explosions tracks, and it was used wonderfully in the "Friday Night Lights" movie as a recurring theme, but I never totally understood what that track was about until last night. Its softer moments are tender, even romantic, that's for sure - as the title implies, it is a song about affection, protection and human trust - but it is also a song about fierce, fierce passion, too, and how that passion can be about loving and defending something with equal intensity. I don't know why, but I think of fathers. It was an amazing moment to share with those four young guys from West Texas, and they deserve all the luck that comes their way. I know I'll be the first one to sign up when they come through here again.

SHOW: obviously, 4 out of 4 stars.



2) EXPLOSIONS IN THE SKY - ALL OF A SUDDEN I MISS EVERYONE

Okay, given the enormous length of the previous review, I will keep this brief. I've been listening to this record for about a month, and frankly, I was struggling with it - the first track - "The Birth and Death of the Day" - is amazing, and it struck me as such the first time I heard it. In their most recent EP, "The Rescue," EITS made it clear that they were ready to shift the emphasis of their sound, and I don't know if it was the first track's evocation of Mono or perhaps my own anticipation, but as much as I loved this first song, the rest of the album felt like a long slide-off from what I imagined was the direction of their new sound. In other reviews, a fair amount of commotion has been made about the album's 13 minute third track, "It's Natural to be Afraid," but of all the songs on the album, this one was the one I had the most trouble listening to. I honestly didn't think it was worth the effort. But last night, driving home, I decided to give the album a fresh listen, and I have to admit: I was totally, totally wrong. "All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone" is a beautiful step for Explosions, taking threads of the music they had gotten so good at making and playing each of them out in a way that refuses any immediate expectations. "Welcome, Ghosts," the LP's first single, gives post-rock purists what they've been looking for, taking the somewhat conventional movements of the genre and bouncing around them quickly, spending only a minute or two on each theme before leaping to another one connected only by the smallest of threads, before rising to a sparse and sparkling finish. "It's Natural to be Afraid" echoes the movement of the previous track but in development rather than diversity: the song builds the foundational blocks of a movement and then, just before the last piece is put in place, pulls back from the structure and starts something new - it frustrates, but in a way that increases the clarity of the music and the project. Tracks 4 and 5 move us in another direction entirely, each functioning as fully-figured, singular songs but confining themselves in 5 and 6 minute blocks, pushing the musical payoff forward into the song and allowing a proper climax - something post-rock has been scoffing at in the last few years. As for the album's last track, "So Long, Lonesome," Graham said it best last night - "all I want is more of that song." "So Long, Lonesome" shifts the emphasis from instrument to instrument while undercutting each "lead" line with a deeply subdued and reflective tempo - the result matches the title marvelously, as "solos" become mournful affairs that seem to strike out and then fade quickly away. It is a beautiful, beautiful song. Today, looking back on "All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone" after a month of sonic "digestion," I think it's a remarkable album. Certainly, Explosions in the Sky is committed to growth, and to finding a series of sounds that not only convey an image, but a place. The album's cover art - a lone man in a boat, holding up a lantern as he drifts in the dark past buildings half submerged in flood waters - gives us both of these things: an image and an emotion, a space and a feeling for it. It is an impressive and exciting thing that Explosions in the Sky is able to give us the sound.

ALL OF A SUDDEN I MISS EVERYONE - 3 1/2 out of 4 stars

Happy Fun Time Oscar Predictions, Extraordinaire

Ah, the Oscars - for a movie critic and fan, the greatest love-hate spectacle of them all. For so many of us, the Oscars represent an incredibly important award ceremony gone sour; a Hall of Fame riddled with problems of popularity and politics, scarred by a ridiculous and short-sighted approach to daring works of cinema and fundamentally undone by the always problematic "make-up award" (meaning awards given to industry figures not for the merit of their current work, but for the Academy's failure to recognize previous accomplishments). But for reasons I wish I didn't understand, I still find myself glued to my television set every Spring, waiting on the announcements - and even worse, checking the Internet daily for the scoops, skinnies and leads on nominees and winners. So, what's the big deal? The big deal is: movies are amazing. They capture us with amazing, escapist ease, and yet they hold within themselves the power to make truly moving and important artistic statements. To say they are the dramas of our time, the cinema house our century's Shakespearean stage is to deny the originality that, I believe, makes movies so special: they are a NEW art, an NEW medium, and when all the pieces fit, the way they are able to speak and to move...well, it's amazing. So, I'm for efforts, no matter how flawed, to reward the many, many people who make this amazing, collaborative art what it has the potential to be (well, not Golden Globe-flawed...). I'm an Oscar fan, dammit, and I will stand and applaud the spare handful of moments this Sunday night when that statuette goes to the man or woman that most deserves it, popularity or box office or politics be damned. If it keeps artists interested in using the popularity of their medium to draw attention to the things art is all about, I say bring on the red carpet.

Now, on with my picks for this year's awards:

BEST ACTOR - Forrest Whitaker - The Last King of Scotland

This is a good place to start. Although a few people I liked got left off the list, Forrest turned a magnificent performance, and he has all but run the ticket in the other award ceremonies thus far. Consider him all but a lock. If there's a dark horse, I would say it's Peter O'Toole, who has the whole "lifetime achievement" thing going for him.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR - Eddie Murphy - Dreamgirls

I didn't see Dreamgirls and I have no regrets about it, but from what I hear, Murphy has two big things going for him: 1) he channels the R&B greats almost as well as he channeled those spirits in Haunted Mansion, and 2) his long career in Hollywood. I loathe that type of prestige - it deters people from actually recognizing performances - but it seems it will be enough to get Murphy to the podium, despite Eddie's campaigning against himself this past month with Norbit.

BEST ACTRESS - Helen Mirren - The Queen

I saw The Queen and honestly didn't think that much of it, but Mirren's performance is spot-on, and in a year that was a bit down for female parts. This is definitely the single most iron-clad lock of the evening, and a miss here would be, well, disastrous for my chances of winning twenty bucks off my friends...

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS - Jennifer Hudson - Dreamgirls

This is traditionally the category where the Academy goes the most crazy, often throwing the "safe choice" to the wind to honor sometimes the most bizarre of token nominees - however, this year, the relative mediocrity of Hudson's competition would make any attempt to dislodge the season favorite seem like an intentional slight - something the Academy, recently celebrated for its diversity, would not want. Hudson is a lock, but if you're looking for a dark horse, my pick is Abigail Breslin, who could pull that cute-kid-wearing-a-fat-suit crap and sucker grandparent voters. Is there anyone I didn't offend at least a little with this post?

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY - Little Miss Sunshine

Of course, if Breslin doesn't nap the supporting actress statue, the Academy still has to throw a bone somewhere to the little comedy that could this year, and my guess is that it will be in the screenplay category. The writing is fine, to be sure, and I really liked the movie, but I think this is a cheap win, and there were several more interesting and more provocative scripts out there. In any case, look for the yellow VW bus to make its way up at about the two hour mark for Original Screenplay.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY - The Departed

This pick is a little bit dicey, but I think the movie has the buzz recently to pull it off. Although the screenplay William Monohan adapts The Departed from is already pretty damn good - Hong Kong's Infernal Affairs - the translation not only of language, but intent - and then the removal of the action to Boston and its accompanying social environment - is pretty astounding, and my heart is in this pick as much as my wallet is.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY - Children of Men

This will be CoM's lone award this year, and that's a shame - the flick is downright sensational - but its a good pick up, as the film's staggering visual command not only helps the viewer to feel right at home in the 2030s (after all, Spielberg already did that in Minority Report, didn't he?), but it also makes those "oh my God" moments of action feel downright visceral. Violence in this film is shockingly close, and it is the camera-work in particular that makes the documentary realism of the film work so well. A good win.

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE - An Inconvenient Truth

This is another no-brainer - has anyone even heard of any of the other nominees? Has any documentary ever had such a large impact on our world? Hold your tongue, Fahrenheit 9/11 supporters! You can't gloat if you didn't change the outcome of an election - and by God, An Inconvenient Truth might actually get somebody into the 2008 race. Pretty impressive, whether you consider yourself someone who believes 200 years of industrial growth is behind the well-documented and scientifically verified changes in our global environment, of if you are still tacking melting ice caps up to the anger of Apollo as he is being pulled across the sky in a mighty chariot. I'm sure you're both a little right, so, you know, whichever.

BEST FOREIGN FILM - Pan's Labyrinth

Oh, I love this category. Few categories goes as right as this category does most every year, and when Guillermo del Toro takes the stage Sunday night and accepts an Oscar for what is without a doubt one of the year's most ambitious and successful films, I, for one, will be absolutely ecstatic. Pan's Labyrinth is marvelous, and if you still have it in your town, please, please, please go see it.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM - Cars

...and as much as I love the foreign film category, I hate this one. Although it seemed like a good idea when we were getting half a dozen solid animated films each year (when was that, exactly? 1995?), now this category has turned into a race to find the tallest man to walk on the moon (the point being, there aren't many candidates). In any case, if Pixar runs, Pixar wins, no matter how mediocre Pixar's entry into the contest might be. So Cars it is, even if Monster House, which never did find an audience, is the far superior picture.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE - The Queen

I usually like this category, but I couldn't care less this year. The best music I heard was the Kronos Quartet's work in The Fountain, but nobody else saw the movie, it seems, so it got left out. I thought Clint Eastwood's work in Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima was awfully nice, but nobody cares about that, either. So, sure, go with The Queen. It's won all the other awards so far.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG - Dreamgirls

Again, I don't care. Dreamgirls wins this, so just mark it down and send more mean letters to Robert Redford for creating this category with that stupid song in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

SOUND MIXING - Dreamgirls

People sing, people dance - it sounds fresh, it sounds period - honestly, I don't really know what this category even means.

SOUND EDITING - Letters from Iwo Jima

Hey, at least it will take home an Oscar. Good try, Clint - maybe next time you should come up with a more original or meaningful idea than retelling the story of one of the most grisly and important battles of the 20th century's most significant global conflict from the respective points of view of each side, making a dramatic statement for peace in a war-torn time, over the course of two ambitious and largely successful motion pictures. Sound editing is what you get, pal. Now go make more indulgent, operatic nonsense like Mystic River so we can reward you properly.

ANIMATED SHORT FILM - Matchgirl

Never heard of it. Picking this name at random.

LIVE-ACTION SHORT FILM - West Bank Story

Never heard of it. Picking this name at random.

DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT - Blood

Never heard of it. But it has that "Holocaust documentary - Oscar gold" feel to it, doesn't it?

VISUAL EFFECTS - Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest

Seems like a crappy movie always wins this category. Here's to hoping I'm right and it ends up being this one.

COSTUMES - Dreamgirls

Period costumes, bright lights, lots of dancing and singing: dark horse = Marie Antoinette.

MAKE-UP - Pan's Labyrinth

I actually care about this award sometimes, especially times like this year, when the winner will actually deserve recognition for doing something special that advances the scope of the field. Hooray.

FILM EDITING - The Departed

How do you make a two-and-a-half hour police thriller overwhelm you with speed and action? I have no idea, but The Departed did just that, and I can't imagine anyone seeing the movie and feeling otherwise - an accomplishment, of an editorial sort, I imagine. Your dark horse is Babel.

BEST DIRECTOR - Martin Scorsese - The Departed

Do you see what I did here? I started with interesting categories, then went through all the boring ones, and I saved two of the most interesting categories for last. How's that for pacing and rhythm? In any case, this is the night's big story, with Martin Scorsese, five-time Oscar nominee and a director already enshrined in the Hollywood pantheon, finally receiving the little gold statuette that will solidify the significance of his film career, post 1980. The Academy has been trying to give him this award for some time, but the movies haven't been up to snuff: Gangs of New York, The Aviator. But this year, Marty's got the movie, he's got the box office, he's got the buzz, he's got it all - and Sunday night, this will be the speech to watch. Congratulations, and consider this category wrapped up.

BEST PICTURE - Babel

I almost chickened out here - this year's Best Picture race is as close as it gets, with no clear favorites out of the entire pack. An argument can be made for any of the five films nominated, and although I feel incredibly shaky about this pick, especially since I'm arguing that Best Picture will be Babel's only Oscar win, the bottom line is: Babel has the award credentials, it has the director, it has the performances, it has the dramatic subject matter - it has everything it needs to win Best Picture, and maybe even to rinse our palates of the filthy stench of Crash from a year ago. If you want to rank the other contenders, I think The Departed is still poised to sweep, Little Miss Sunshine is the legitimate dark horse, The Queen has 'safe choice' pedigree, and even Letters from Iwo Jima has Clint Eastwood as its director, and you can never, ever count Clint out of an Oscar race.

So, there you have it. My guess: I'll nab 19/24 - that would be the average over my last three years guessing this thing. Even if I don't win the twenty bucks from my friends, I think these picks are good enough to keep you in the running of any office pools you might be a part of, and hey, them's braggin' rights, buddy. If there's nothing else to say (I hope there's not...), then best of luck everyone - tune in this Sunday night and we can all see what happens together. It's a crazy time of year, to be sure - one that wrecks the yearly movie calendar with reckless abandon, one that inflates Hollywood's already substantial ego to the absolute bursting point - but recognizing achievement is what this society is all about (for better or worse). I know I won't be able to look away.

KMC

Top Ten Madness

Top Ten Movies of 2006
*I will be fleshing this out in the coming days - keep checking back for more mini-reviews for the films listed!

10: Little Miss Sunshine - ***1/2 out of ****

Ah, what would we do without our yearly indie darlings? Try as I could, I could not dislike this movie - I went into the theater hoping to come out with a "meh" response that would allow me to stay smug and ignore the Independent Spirit Awards this year, but the damn movie wouldn't let me do it. In the end, it's the character work these actors do that lift this movie above its script and its concept - underneath the easy jokes about family disfunctionality (didn't we get enough of that with "Cheaper by the Dozen"?) lie some downright brutal scenes that push past the immediate laughs and reveal how anger and distrust and disappointment within a family can eat away at the bonds that we all know in our heads are so meaningful and important for, well, our sanity. You sense the reality of the scars underneath the cheap jabs these people take at one another, and not only do you end up hurting with them, you find yourself rooting for them on as a family because, as cheesy as it may sound, you think they deserve at least a minute's happiness. Getting that message across in a genre film as formulaic as this one was no easy task, and the cast and director deserve all the praise they get for pulling it off.

9: Borat - ***1/2 out of ****

This review needs to be kept brief, if only to keep me from quoting the movie so extensively that it might take away from your need - yes, need - to see it. Put simply, "Borat" is really, really funny. The humor is sharp and satirical, the laughs feel fresh and original, and the concept - to take a Daily Show-type faux-reporter and use him to expose the ignorance and prejudice of others - is one that, for better or worse, speaks intimately to the current generation. In fact, the movie ends up working so well as a comedy that much of its substantive agenda is easily overlooked in the first few viewings; it's hard to remember that even if "Borat" creator Sacha Baron Cohen isn't actually a Kazakh, he's not an American, either, and his journey through the heartland is significant not just for the laughs it brings, but also for what his outsider's perspective really does illuminate about who we really are in this country. Certainly, as an instructor and Ph.D. student at the University of South Carolina, I was affected and embarrassed by the way a handful of U.S.C. frat guys behaved in the movie, and to see "Borat," at least to me, was to see a movie that exposed our biases and prejudices in very real way. To use examples from the film, I may not buy a Hummer so I can use it to run over gypsies, but I might buy one for the factory-standard "pussy magnet" Borat insists must be hidden inside the glove compartment. Ouch, right? It's an odd thing to say "I laughed until I cried" and mean it, sincerely.

8: Letters from Iwo Jima - ***1/2 out of ****

7: Babel - ***1/2 out of ****

6: The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada - ***1/2 out of ****

5: Children of Men - ***1/2 out of ****

4: Apocalypto - **** out of ****

"Apocalypto" represents an astounding piece of kinetic filmmaking. Mel Gibson seems to embrace the challenges inherent not only in telling a story in a foreign language, but in making nearly all of the voices, moods and affective techniques of American cinema work in both a tongue and world that can best be described as entirely alien to an American audience. Specifically, "Apocalypto," using almost no dialogue, finds a way to make us laugh, empathize and fear for the lives of the characters we are watching simply through the careful control of camera, movement, color and rhythm: the movie is a case study on the active use of a film camera, and should be recognized and rewarded as such. Additionally, "Apocalypto" features several very fine performances and an attention to the graphic and gruesome that seems in some ways to be an appeal for Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" - "I understand the roles violence and gore can play in a film," he seems to be saying, "and by using them for alternately comedic, dramatic and horrific effect here, my intentions in 'Passion' should be re-read as deliberate and meaningful." Not that I would ever put my words in a director's mouth (especially Gibson's).

3: Pan's Labyrinth - **** out of ****

2: The Departed - **** out of ****

1: United 93 - **** out of ****

Long Break

Wow, so here we go again...

I apologize for the incredibly long absence - there are no good excuses, but I will say I have had quite a bit of difficulty adjusting to my schedule this semester - there seems to be quite a bit of free time, but never at the same times there used to be. In any case, now that things are settling somewhat, I plan on making a more concentrated effort on posting. Speaking of, I have a few posts that are in the works for some time this weekend/early next week:

1) My end-of-the-year movie lists - I've almost seen everything "important" that I set out for myself to see, and I shall report back on this shortly. In brief, I would like to strongly recommend "Pan's Labyrinth" and "Children of Men" - they are both excellent, excellent films playing right now, and you should see them before they disappear from the local cinema. These movies are big-screen experiences and deserve the extra time/attention. You'll thank me, I promise.

2) More posts from The Paterson Project!!! Several, several poems and songs are in the works and should see the light of day soon. Additionally, Conversely and I are planning a trip to the town of Paterson, New Jersey at the very beginning of March. We will certainly keep any and all interested parties informed about this experience.

3) Music reviews: I'm currently digesting the new Explosions in the Sky record, the new Shins, the new Andrew Bird (to be released in April!), the new Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! and many others. I'm not much for musical top tens, but I think I might at least put up my personal favorite 5 or 6 records from last year and the ones I'm most looking forward to in 2007.

4) Oscar picks! This is where the money is. If you have an office pool, you need to keep checking back here until this goes up. I have won Oscar pools with my friends three years running and I am also the reigning champion at both the Dutch Square Mall Waldenbooks AND the Harbison Blvd. Best Buy. I am an Oscar betting machine. Get in on this while the getting is good.

5) Braves, Braves, Braves. The greatest of all games is soon to start again, and I will have to share my thoughts, hopes, dreams, etc. with the blog-o-sphere at large as soon as possible. My hope is that Conversely will engage in a similar project...

So, with all of this on the horizon, I once again feel daunted. Thanks for nothing, Internet.

Talk to you soon,
T. Az